Watch Fashion for the Unfashionable Man (Pt. 1)

If you were to meet me the first thought that would occur to you would not be “oh, what a fashionable man.” It would probably be, “oh, he likes sweets, perhaps too much.” So, why do I have to the right to opine concerning men’s fashion? Well, to be fair I am limiting my scope to a two-inch swath on your wrist, probably the left one. And, I have always reserved the right to answer questions that no one has asked of me. It is what I do.

This fashion guide of sorts is limited to watches. There are corollaries to the rules laid out here that may affect other aspects of your outward facing persona. That can’t be helped. There must be some rules, or we will descend into anarchy, or France. And one last caveat, this is meant to apply to men only. There are other rules for women. These are a secret, or at least hidden from me.

What follows is the first installment of “Watch Fashion for the Unfashionable Man.” The word “for” in the title might as well be “from”. It is not so much a guide as points of departure from modern conventional wisdom. The only thing that I have learned in my time on the planet is that the truly fashionable are rarely completely conscious of their look. They are merely confident. They don’t care that straw boaters are a style that peaked before the invention of television. They don’t notice if thin or fat ties are “in.” When the mood strikes them, they can even pull off a bolo tie. I may not have full confidence in my decisions, it is more that I have lost the ability to care what others may think of my sartorial decisions.

1. Why aren’t you wearing a gold watch?

I have seen watch boxes of dark dialed divers, field and pilot watches, GADA this or that, with nary a hint of gold. The value of gold was known in pre-history. It conveyed status. It was left as a grave good for use in the afterlife. Continents were conquered for it. Kings were ransomed for it. Armies were raised and cities were sacked and all for gold. There are golden anniversaries, and a gold watch was given at retirement to celebrate a lifetime of achievement. We have a gold standard, not a titanium one. It never tarnishes. It is not some gray lump of metal.

Gold has been out of style for a while. Bring it back. You have room in your collection for one gold watch. There is someone who you dress up for, or try to impress, if not with your wealth, then with your taste and refinement. Gold is your pass. Gold gets you in that door. What watch should I wear for my wedding (or some other event)? A stainless-steel sports watch? Try harder.

A gold watch is versatile. It can dress up or dress down. It can be worn to that opera or the neighborhood barbeque. It can be worn to Walmart when you are wearing sweatpants. (As an aside, do not do this. Do not wear sweatpants or pajamas in public places. What is appropriate for the intimacy of your home is not the public image that you wish to project to the world. Our world has long trended towards the informal. Post-pandemic we seem to have jumped the shark from informal to slovenly. I am yelling at clouds again, aren’t I?)

2. Why is your watch so large?

Historically watches have always been as much jewelry as functional object. It was understood that the strap, band, or bracelet was part of the look of any watch. When we wear a watch that extends over the entirety of our wrist we deprive the strap of its chance to impress. We just see dial, maybe some bezel or case. Pick a strap that complements your watch. Let the world see it.

Watches can easily be too large. They are rarely too small. Does the watch dial take up a third of your wrist area (side to side), then it is large enough. Don’t let them make you think that 33mm, or even 29mm is too small.

3. Why do you only wear round watches?

“Because I like them” I can hear you say. And then you wonder or lament that no one notices your watch. Perhaps it is because every watch today is round. You are wearing something that is just like everything else. Do you order the same meal every time that you go to the restaurant? Try something new on the menu. Try a tank or tonneau. People notice those. Mix it up. Try some other shapes and styles.

(Gold, not large, nice strap, not round. And this is why I am a fashion icon, and a famous watch blogger.)