Consult the Manual (that’s why it’s there)

Sometimes questions and situations reoccur in the watch collecting and enthusiast world. On forums and in private communications we are sometimes bombarded with collectors who require answers and seemingly have nowhere to turn.

Luckily these answers do exist and have been collected and collated in the latest edition of the Manual for the International Society of Watch Owners and Purchasers (Ninth Ed. 2019). This guide, originally published in 1914 by Iggy Voumard and Friedrich “Little Hands” Mathey, has been through many editions and revisions. There have been huge changes in the advice given reflecting changes in the watch community. For example, the earliest edition that dealt with battery changes began by saying “battery operated watches should first be hit with a large hammer or mallet until the battery can be located.” This section was not removed until 1974.

So, what are the common questions that the Manual can answer? Here are a few:

1. What watch should I buy?

“If a party who has heretofore made purchases as an adult thereafter relies on the opinion of strangers in order to select a watch to purchase, said potential purchaser shall temporarily forfeit the right to purchase a new watch and shall instead wear the last watch that he or she has acquired. It is recognized that the “wisdom of the crowd” is a fiction in such circumstances and shall not be relied on as a defense to the application of this Section.” Chapter Four, “Decisions and Who Gets to Make Them,” Section III.4.

Yeah, maybe just make up your own mind.

2. What is the proper time to wear a Casio G-Shock?

“If the wearer is active military personnel, then all times may be considered proper. However, if the wearer is considered a civilian under the Geneva Conventions of 1949, then the only time wearing a G-Shock is considered proper is if the wearing of clown shoes as part of a costumed performance is also required.” Chapter 11 “Ugly Watches and Their Purported Uses,” Section II.7.

That’s tough, but fair.

3. Is [Name of Watch Brand] underrated?

“The Lucerne Watch Brand Rating Authority was disbanded in 1953 when improper payments to judges by Glycine were discovered. Since 1952 no watch brand may properly be considered underrated.” Chapter 6 “Does Everyone Agree with Me?”, Section VI.2.

Who knew that it was all Glycine’s fault?

4. Show me your green dials:

“While technically not a question, but a demand, or at least a plea, watch owners should resist showing photographs of any green dial watches. It is known that green dials promote tranquility and a sense of peace and this is personal to the owner and loses its efficacy if shared. If a watch owner receives such a request they should instead send a picture of their junk.”* Chapter 9 “Dials and Their Powers and Properties,” Section I.2.

*This advice was written in 1976 when “junk” meant “rubbish” or “trash”. It is hoped that the Tenth Edition corrects this usage.

5. Does this watch look good on a NATO strap?

“If the interlocutor has fashioned the strap in such a way that the knots or strap folds are visible from an angle looking straight at the watch dial, then the only answer is “no”. This method of attaching watches became known as the “man bun” in the early 2000’s and is roundly mocked in society. Other methods of affixing the strap are permissible and may, in fact, look “good”. Chapter 2 “Fasteners: a Theory of Aesthetics,” Section III.2.

There is much more to explore in the Manual. We don’t have to reinvent the wheel. The experiences of all those who came before us should be our guide. Consult your manual today.