Missing the show

To:      janjenson69@hotmail.com

From:  Ian.Farnworth@bwcm.uk

Subject:  British Watchmakers’ Day    

Dear Mr. Jenson:

Thank you for your interest in participating in the scheduled British Watchmakers’ Day. I am sorry to inform you that your brand, TrollDeep, does not qualify as a British Watchmaker. Independent of where TrollDeep’s watches are manufactured, you have incorporated in the Faroe Islands which is in the Kingdom of Denmark.

Your contention that the Faroes are “just a sheep throw away” from the Shetlands nevertheless excludes any possible participation of your Danish brand.

Yours sincerely,

B. Ian Farnworth

British Watch and Clock Makers

To:      janjenson69@hotmail.com

From:  Ian.Farnworth@bwcm.uk

Subject:  British Watchmakers’ Day    

Dear Mr. Jenson:

I am sorry if the tone of my last email seemed dismissive to you. However, there are certain minimal criteria for our partners to be able to participate in the March 9 show. The obvious one is that they must be “British”. Also, all of the participants are members of our organization.

I can tell from some of the colourful language in your response that you are not native to Britain. I had to use the internet to interpret some of those terms as they appear to have been in common use in Turkish prisons. Contrary to your assertions, I am not Dr. Smith’s “boy toy” or anything of the sort. Nor have we been contacted by any representatives of Meistersinger. They are a German watch brand, as you must know. Hopefully, this concludes this matter.

Yours sincerely,

B. Ian Farnworth

British Watch and Clock Makers

To:      janjenson69@hotmail.com

From:  Ian.Farnworth@bwcm.uk

cc:     legal@bwcm.uk

Subject:  Cease and Desist          

Dear Mr. Jenson:

By this writing I am demanding that you cease all communication with me and the BWCM. You have sent numerous inappropriate and pornographic messages and images to us in the last week. Any further communication will be considered a police and/or legal matter.

I have referred the renderings that you sent to me of the TrollDeep model the “Priapus” to Meistersinger for their review regarding applicable copyrights. A one hand watch, with such a bulbous red hand, is both juvenile and offensive. No one at BMCM needed to see it. We all have enough classical education to get the reference without a visual representation. Do not write again.

Yours sincerely,

B. Ian Farnworth

British Watch and Clock Makers