2025 marks either the true genesis of my “lover-boy” phase, or will be the catalyst for extreme promiscuity and deep sadness.
Last year, I spoke of oversized sweater watch straps for ladies and lace underwear and handcuffs and some other twaddle. This year, I’ll actually try and present serious ideas and see how long it takes before this ends up as another episode of mediocre, innuendo-laced satire.
Hairtie and bra strap bracelets
Firstly, the humble hairtie. To a man like me, it’s worth its weight in gold. It’s not uncommon to see folks rocking bracelets or other wrist adornments with watches. Some go so far as to piss their pants when someone wears a watch and bracelet on the same wrist. I understand it for gold watches, but your stainless steel Seamaster doesn’t need protection from a charm bracelet or whatever. The hairtie cleverly circumvents this issue by being made of fabric soft enough to actually polish your watch. It’s effectively a warm, cuddly crown guard for your watch. Not only does it protect your GADA beater conversation starter pièce unique, but it also reminds you of her. Sometimes, it aids in long-distance relationships by giving your lady faith that you are loyal and thinking of her. If you are a lady and your man has long hair, this is applicable to you too. If your relationship is more serious, the bra strap bracelet is a great idea. If you think about it, bra straps are just sexier, sweatier NATO straps. If you have a vintage watch with narrow fixed lugs (like my Cyma) a bra strap might unironically be the best option. I can’t find 15mm NATO straps, but I’m sure they make bras with straps that size. Ladies, please weigh in.
Jewellery and accessories
Most of the time, these are bought by people trying to move up a waitlist or people who have enough money not to think thrice about the oftentimes exorbitant pricetags on these thingamajigs. They have a place however, and Valentine’s Day could be just that. Partners of watch geeks know that buying a watch for that special someone is difficult. It has to be the right colour and size and the nobodies on the internet need to think that it’s cool. If I were you, I’d rather not bother. Besides, luxury watches are big things to buy.
A bracelet or pair of cufflinks is the answer. If your special someone owns an Omega Constellation, there’s a set of cufflinks to match. This is romantic, but if your partner wears them, they may look like a bit… silly.
Omega sells these for roughly 250 USD. Your Valentine needs to be a big fan of Omega to justify that.
Oris does this much better than Omega in my opinion, because their merchandise catalogue is not only more affordable, but consists of the sort of things worn by actual humans. These products are listed under the category “love items,” which gave me the impression that they made sex toys. After some careful research, I can conclude that Oris has not manufactured any sex toys as of yet.
Desk/wall clocks
Seeing as Seiko doesn’t make crocheted bears or cufflinks that cost the GDP of a small nation, they get a big place here. No watch column is complete without making oneself a white for Seiko, so here goes:
There are too many to mention here. Whether you want LCD or analogue, wall or desk, Seiko and Casio in particular have you covered.
Watch-related experiences
You could always gift your Valentine the gift of an experience instead of an item. In this case, “experience” does not refer to some crazy love-making positions and techniques my peers informed me about recently, but feel free to do those if you’re on a budget. I hear the 720 Skhotane Patrice Motsepe Tornado Grip is particularly effective.
What I’m thinking of is tours and museum trips.
Many brands offer tours of their museums and factories, too many to mention, so just pick a brand or a location and go.
We all knew that this would happen
I ran out of ideas. I tried to be a good pseudo-journalist and present good ideas in a serious and mature way, but there’s only so much that can be said before this descends into a hollow circlejerk. Just buy your watch-loving partner chocolates or flowers, it’s really not that deep. For heaven’s sake, it feels like people have to make one hobby their entire personality sometimes and it just gets ridiculous. You like watches, we get it, there’s no need to point out to us that your cufflinks are also made by Omega. No one cares. So here come the emergency ideas:
IUD necklace
Celebrate birth control by turning an IUD into a necklace. There isn’t much else to say here. Some companies sell sterling silver IUD charms, but using a real one is still an option. Prices vary depending on your medical aid, doctor and whether or not you live in a country with a healthcare system that isn’t actively trying to bankrupt you.
Encouraging literature
Nothing says “I love you” more than preying on the insecurities of your partner. We all love a good read from time to time, so what better gift to give than some literature that won’t make them cry when they unwrap it?
In closing
Valentine’s Day is nigh. Take this blog post as an emergency shopping guide in case you’ve forgotten or simply ran out of ideas. Your partner will certainly recognise the effort and willingness to be different. Chocolates and flowers are perfect, but a little too safe for some. Be special. Be different. Spread love and kindness. Give hugs and kisses to those who need it the most and have a happy Friday.
The Escapement Room 
Loved it! Spot on about the imagery of the bear.
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