The longer I’ve sold watches the harder it has become. It’s a good business. It makes a healthy bit of money for a student and it’s something I’m infinitely passionate about…
However, I don’t know if I’d be able to do it as my 9-5, at least as things are right now. I sell watches in the 50-500 USD bracket, which is conveniently the exact price range for watches I wear. The process is typically buy, fix if needed, wear, then sell. Some get worn for a year or more, some a few days. Selling is as addictive as buying. It’s a nearly one-for-one adrenaline rush seeing green numbers in my bank account and seeing a new watch on my wrist.
Selling in the 50-500 USD bracket has some unique challenges. I don’t sell expensive enough stuff to warrant avoiding Facebook marketplace. Facebook marketplace has brought me brilliant business. I avoided it for ages because I never thought I’d sell anything and would get scammed out of my entire life savings and my soul. My experience has been mostly the opposite, I encounter plenty of nice people and know the signs of a scam. I typically don’t sell my most expensive watches there, reserving those for invite only WhatsApp groups and Chrono24 just as a security measure.
Anyone who has sold on Facebook marketplace before will tell you about the frustrations. Endless “Is this still available?” messages, lowballers, weirdos, the whole nine yards. Let me liken my experience in watch dealing to a mystical forest, full of fairies, shapeshifters, goblins and other stuff. I have a Dante-esque hierarchy, the six circles of watch dealing.
Circle One: Availability Check.
This is as much a certainty as death. No matter how well or poorly priced your listing is, how flashy the photographs, how well-written the description, these creatures will always be there. They are neutral forest sprites, possessing as much intellectual capability as a medium-sized chestnut. Many sellers ignore them. I am not so important that I can’t spare ten seconds to reply “Yes it is.” If you send me a thoughtless automatically generated message, you’ll receive a thoughtless automatically generated reply. Sometimes good buyers start with “Is it available?” other times not. I believe in the courtesy of a response, so I’m not harsh on them.
Circle Two: The Undecided
These are about as harmless as the forest sprites. These creatures are shapeshifters cursed to never be able to decide on one form. Buy, negotiate, leave; they can’t figure it out. The most harm that comes from someone being unable to decide when or whether to buy is a few more minutes wasted than the sprites of Circle Two. Convincing them makes me feel like a used car salesman. I don’t really believe in upselling my products, I like to let the watch find its owner, as pretentious as that sounds. If someone is very hesitant, it’s likely not for them.
Circle Three: Lowballers
Lowballers get ranked much higher on the irritation scale than I think they deserve. They are malevolent goblin-like spirits possessing only enough power to make you roll your eyes. Lowballers exist because the strategy works. Sometimes they get lucky. Don’t hate the player, hate the game. The best outlook to have is that if you are prepared to insult someone with a lowball, have skin thick enough to take an insult back. I usually deal with lowballers by giving comical counteroffers. Someone wants 60% off my list price? I’ll give them 2% off and a free 2l Coke. It’s easy to think of much more crass things to say, but I’m no longer that sort of man. My point comes across just the same whether I offer them an insulatingly low discount or tell them that their wife looks like my neighbour’s dog’s breakfast. Their screenshotted conversations make for great amusement to my friends and I.
Circle Four: Frivolous Negotiation
Everyone likes to negotiate. I often factor that into account when pricing a watch. I either leave a bit of wiggle room or say flat out that my price is not negotiable. It’s annoying when I have a potential buyer and we get stuck negotiating over a trivial sum of money. These are tall, slender spirits that drink the water from muddy puddles, extracting every bit of nutrition they can due to being cursed with insatiable hunger and thirst. They will get the most for the least. This is not me being a snob or looking down upon others’ financial standings, but if 2 USD equivalent is stopping you from buying a 100 USD watch I’ve offered to you for 80, you’re wasting everyone’s time.
Circle Five: Hold It For Me
These creatures are in the same species of time spirit that causes watches to drift or develop movement issues. They are usually small sprites chained to pocket watches or other timekeeping devices. Truly mischevous and malevolent, but disguised as being friendly. They just need one more day, or until the end of the month, or just a minute to collect some money. I don’t sell on credit. It’s borderline insulting to ask someone to forego potential profits from sales that may occur in whatever time period they need so that you can get what you want. If you want a watch but can’t afford it at the moment, at least have the decency not to haggle. I can come down on my price or wait (rarely, and only if it’s a good customer I know and trust) not both. I unfortunately have to ignore the sob stories and tell them to kick rocks. I want a pony, but I can’t tell the horse breeder to pause the hormonal cycles of his stallions and mares for me to sort my books out before I can pay him. This will sound mean, but if you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. Tough.
Circle Six: The Best Price
Nothing grinds my gears worse than this. These are evil sprites that fly around and burrow into the brains of people, causing clinical insanity. It’s far too common an opener and I hate it. I have a price on the listing, that should tell you the ballpark I’m aiming for. Even with that information given, you want me to negotiate with myself. Most of the time I deflect the question and ask for an offer. I’ve stopped doing this because it opens the door to Circle Three. At this point, I just come down a tiny bit on the price, then negotiate shrewdly from that point onward. I negotiated with myself to get you 5% off, I’m not a circus animal or a court jester to dance for you; if you want anything more off the list price, you’ll almost have to beg me. I’d rather have someone slide into my DMs asking for 20% off than someone asking me to bargain with myself; the former at least tried, which gives both of us something to work with.
Cicle Null: How It Should Be Done
Selling watches has made me better at buying watches. Sellers are humans. I don’t like it when people just vomit numbers straight away. Use words. Be polite. Be overly polite, in fact. I start off with a “Good day…” and end with a “Kind regards, RM Schwartz” of it’s my first time dealing with someone. It’s a bit old fashioned, I suppose, but it’s never a waste to have courtesy. If I want to bargain, I do so within reason. If someone has what I want, but is asking 50% more than what it’s worth in my mind, I don’t even bother. I’m not going to insult them by asking for a huge chunk off of their price. If their price is too high, it won’t sell, and if they want it sold they will bring it down. Sometimes you have to play the waiting game. I’m not going to hold them up to see if I can get the watch for an iota less. If I want something, I am prepared to pay for it. If I can’t afford it, I can’t afford it. I’m a student, I’m used to it; I had to come to terms with the fact that I cannot afford a Rolex Air King, purebred pony, or a Golf GTI; one more thing I can’t afford is not news to me and it shouldn’t be news to anyone. It’s not something to be ashamed off. Money and material is the furthest thing from the be all and end all of life.
Perchance you may see me as a bit hard on potential customers, but one needs thick skin in the enchanted forest of Facebook Marketplace. What most people don’t understand is that you can be hard without being rude; you can be firm while being kind. Ego is the biggest failing of people, young men in particular. “Will not respond to ‘Is it available?'” Are you really too busy to spare ten seconds to send a reply, even if it may not go anywhere? There’s some saying about shots one doesn’t take. The world doesn’t need another rude person in it. Take the lowballers in your stride. I’m of the opinion that I am not an animal: I can maintain a level of calm and collectedness even if I am being metaphorically prodded with a stick. Keep calm and carry on (selling watches, collecting watches, and not being an ass.)
The Escapement Room 